As part of my goal setting for 2016, I wrote in my journal that I want to shine brighter and live bigger and bolder. I then asked myself what it is that holds me back from doing bigger more exciting things. From really pushing my own limits. And here’s the not so glamour answer: Fear.
Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear I won’t be accepted, fear I am not good enough, fear I don’t know enough. Fear, fear and a bit more fear.
So this obviously got me thinking of all the scenarios and situations that I might have said no, without giving it a chance, simply because of fear. And the answer is, a lot. We can’t shine our brightest, and be expansive when we live in fear. Fear contracts us physically, mentally, and emotionally. It makes us withdraw from a situation, a person, an opportunity under the misguided premise that it is, in fact, protecting us.
So there we are on the mat, or in front of our boss, or about to put a paint brush to paper, with this potential to expand in ourselves and grow, and bam! in comes fear, grabbing the steering wheel and running us right off the road while shouting, “no! we can’t! It won’t work! It’s dangerous!”
I love how Elizabeth Gilbert talks of fear in her book “Big Magic”. Fear has a place and we can’t irradicate it. We need fear to keep us safe. If we don’t have some level of fear, we may not think twice about swimming in shark infested water, or placing our hand on a hot burner. There is a time and place for fear to take the reigns, but in her book, Elizabeth talks of fear as a companion on a road trip. We acknowledge fear, let it have a place in the car, but remind it that fear is not the driver, and fear cannot give directions. It is a silent passenger on our creative journey. In other words, it’s welcome to come along for the ride, but that ride is happening. She also beautifully describes how we use perfectionism as an excuse to not do things, and that too is just a version of fear. This one is especially big for me.
“Perfectionism is just a high-end, haute couture version of fear. I think perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat, pretending to be elegant when actually it’s just terrified. Because underneath that shiny veneer, perfectionism is nothing more than a deep existential angst that says, again and again, “I am not good enough and I will never be good enough.” – Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic
I just love this idea. Especially when I see it creep up as I try and do things that are outside of my normal routine. This past weekend I taught a workshop on the Art of Assisting to fellow yoga teachers here. Now I know I have information I want to share, and I believe it is valuable, and yet, if I’m not careful, fear can take over. I can let self doubt creep in, or somehow tell myself that I haven’t prepared enough, or even just use time and the lack of it, as an excuse. There are so many reasons I could come up with why I shouldn’t do it. But it all boils down to fear getting too much talking time. It’s not rocket science here. And of course this is a somewhat simple example, but when I notice whose voice is talking in my head, and when I recognize the scared whine of fear, it’s a lot easier to say: chill out, I’ve got this! What’s the worst that can happen!?
So, I ask you – what are you putting off/avoiding doing that maybe scares you just a little? I am a big believer that if it scares you just a bit it’s probably exactly what you need to do. So what is it? And will you dare to do it? Will you let fear drive, or are you going to take control?
Let’s sit fear in it’s place in the back and let ourselves shine a bit brighter!
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