It’s been a while since my last post.  Not surprising given the circumstances, but I am very aware of how the massive Trans-Atlantic move has been a complete disruption of all things in my life.  We practice yoga in part to help create good habits that will see us through transitions and tricky times in life, but when push comes to shove, and all is said and done, balls get dropped.  Practice goes out the window.  Good habits get shoved to the side as daily rhythms are messed up and a sense of normalcy disintegrates.

I am sure that it is uncommon and maybe risky for a long time yoga teacher to admit to her students that she has fallen off the wagon, but rather than have me up on a pedestal thinking I do everything perfectly (haha!), I would prefer you to see me as a fellow student along this messy path called life. Because we all do this.  We all start and do things with great intentions – be it healthy eating, better sleep schedules, better parenting, meditation every day – whatever it is, we start and we may falter right away or perhaps we have a good run and then it all goes to the dogs.  I had an almost 3 year run of meditation pretty much daily.  And in the last month I’ve lost that practice. My broken toe has made my asana practice almost obsolete in the past few weeks (which is why my back is acting up, I’m sure!), and my jet lag/hectic-ness of travel etc has pretty much wiped out my daily writing.  I am holding on tight to the bare threads of my prayer time, and that’s about it.

I decided to write about this now, because I see it all and I know it will change and I will get back to all of these things very soon, but I wanted to share this while I’m down and out, to remind me and you that it’s ok to fall down, it’s ok to drop the ball.  We are not perfect, us humans.  We are messy and so are our lives.  We are complicated and so are our relationships.  When any one of us gives the impression of being perfect (and social media does a great job for us, allowing us to just highlight the good!) we create a world where anything less must be frowned upon and brings shame to us.  Like we have failed.  Like we are not good enough.  Like this means we have nothing to offer others. Brene Brown uses this definition for perfectionism:

Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain or blame, judgment, and shame.

So what I am offering to you is the Gift of Imperfection ( Love Brene Brown and her entire book and research on all this so all quotations shared come from her).  If we know that we all struggle and feel alone and feel like we are failing sometimes, will we not find more compassion for ourselves and others? And will we not pick ourselves up more easily and readily if we acknowledge down swings as just that – moments where we let go, just as there will be a moment where we rise up again.  To live authentically means giving up on having to do and be perfect and just embracing what is.

Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. – BB

And here’s a real gem from Brene:

Most of us are trying to live an authentic life. Deep down, we want to take off our game face and be real and imperfect. There is a line from Leonard Cohen’s song “Anthem” that serves as a reminder to me when I get into that place where I’m trying to control everything and make it perfect. The line is, “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” So many of us run around spackling all of the cracks, trying to make everything look just right. This line helps me remember the beauty of the cracks (and the messy house and the imperfect manuscript and the too-tight jeans). It reminds me that our imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together. Imperfectly, but together.

Oh my GOODNESS!  Can you handle that line? “So many of us run around spackling all of the cracks, trying to make everything look just right”….AMAZING!!!  So if you’ve fallen off your band wagon of whatever it is, here’s a reminder that you are not alone and you have not failed.  You are having a momentary pause.  Maybe we all need to pause from time to time to recognize all that is bringing us up in our lives.  And when you realize that this is the way of life, this up and down-ness, maybe you will find it less difficult to pick yourself back up and start over.  I know I will.  This is really the gift of long term yoga and meditation.  Knowing that even taking a break doesn’t mean anything more than just that…

See you all on the other side!